Friendship? … It’s like family, minus the shared DNA but with all the drama. We don’t get to choose our families, but we do choose our friends. And yet, just like siblings, real friendships don’t exist without seeing the good, the bad, and sometimes even the worst in each other.

When it’s Wednesday, it’s another night of bonding with my church community and tonight we had an open discussion on how we can improve our service. One of the strongest points that came up wasn’t about doing more, it was about strengthening our relationships first. We realized that when genuine friendships are built, even criticisms become easier to accept because they come from a place of trust and love.

Disagreements are inevitable. It’s not a question of if they will happen, but WHEN. The real test of any relationship whether in ministry, family, or friendship is not in avoiding conflicts but in how we walk through them. Growth happens when bonds are tested by fire, and what remains is something stronger, refined, and more resilient.

I know this firsthand because of two people – Dina and Jane. They are my constants, my battle-tested friendships, the ones who have walked with me through life’s fire and emerged stronger with me on the other side.

Friendships That Endure Fire

Dina and I? We don’t always see eye to eye. In fact, we’ve had our fair share of disagreements, even full-on fights over different perspectives. But no matter how intense our discussions get, there’s one unshakable truth … we are there for each other. At 2 AM, when life feels heavy, I know she’s just one call away, and she knows the same about me.

Then there’s Jane. At one point in our lives, she just stopped talking to me. No explanation, no warning, just silence. And at that moment, I felt it was so unfair. I wanted to reproach “ I don’t deserve to be shut out like this!” But instead of demanding answers, I chose to stay quiet and let time pass.

One day, out of the blue, we started talking again. We both happened to be INFJs, and in a completely unplanned way, we found ourselves opening up about what had happened. No accusations, no bitterness, just understanding. And just like that, the friendship that had gone silent found its voice again. Through thick and thin, we have each other. She is my mirror when I have a blind spot, and I am the same for her.

There’s this common belief that strong friendships are always easy. But the truth? Love in friendship grows because of disagreements, not despite them.

Friction That Strengthens, Not Weakens

Think about the closest friendships you have. Chances are, you’ve had moments of frustration – disagreements over plans, differing opinions, even hurtful words said in the heat of emotion. Maybe there were days of awkward silence, moments when you wondered, Are we too different? But what makes a friendship real is not the absence of conflict but it’s the willingness to push through it.

Like siblings who argue over the silliest and the deepest things, we don’t always see eye to eye with our friends. And yet, those same tensions can refine the bond, shaping it into something stronger. A disagreement isn’t a sign of a failing friendship; it’s a test of how deep the love runs.

Honest Disagreements Mean Honest Love

When two people care enough to disagree, it means they care enough to be honest. It’s easy to walk away when things get uncomfortable, but REAL FRIENDS DON’T. They argue, they rant, they fight. However, they fight for the relationship, not against each other.

Love in friendship isn’t just about the fun times. It’s about seeing each other’s flaws, knowing each other’s weaknesses, and choosing to stay anyway. It’s about admitting when we’re wrong, forgiving when we’re hurt, and learning how to love better through every misunderstanding. It’s agreeing to disagree and disagreeing agreeably.

Friendships That Grow, Not Just Survive

The strongest friendships aren’t the ones that never face storms; they’re the ones that come out stronger because of them.

So the next time you have a disagreement with a friend, pause before assuming it’s a wedge between you. Maybe it’s just a growing pain, another chapter in a story of friendship that is built to last.

We choose the friends we make along the way, we choose to love, and we choose to love in spite of and despite everything. In the end, real friendship isn’t about agreeing all the time. It’s about choosing love again and again and again, even when it’s tested

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” — Proverbs 17:17