“Even when it hurts… even when it’s hard … but You’re here, You’re real, I know I can trust You … You steady my heart”.

These lines from one of my favourite Kari Jobe songs automatically pops in my head and keeps on playing every time the WOD (Workout Of the Day) at CrossFit is tough. I find myself singing this song in my head over and over whenever I go through the ordeal of 400m run, frog leaps, burpees, 1 min plank and prowlers (this is the latest workout in my “hate list”), among many others.

I joined CrossFit since Feb this year and yah I got hooked from day 1. I’m not really an exercise fan to begin with. I remember paying for a 2year contract in a gym and I had a good 6months habit. I drop by for an hour run at the threadmill and 30mins of cycling 2 to 3x a week and just like a lot of those who sign-up for a gym, I got bored and found myself skipping for a session or 2, then skipping for a week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks … and for 1 and a half year what’s left of me is a good exercise of paying for the monthly fee. Then finally there’s CrossFit.

What is CrossFit? CrossFit — “Forging Elite Fitness”; “Making People Better”; CrossFit’s textbook definition can be summed up as functional movements, constantly varied done at high intensity. Renowned CrossFitters would define it as “a way of life; it’s not just a workout but a lifestyle”. You hear Crosfitters say “You never wanna quit”, “It’s making me happy”, “CrossFit has changed my life”, “Community, Family – that’s Crossfit to me” … I couldn’t agree less.

My journey into fitness (in the area of exercise) started last year when someone offered me the “reserved seat” at the MRT. Do you know who gets priority to these reserved seats? If you fall into either any of the following categories: Sick, elderly or pregnant. I don’t recall looking sick that time, and I’m far from being mistaken as an elderly which only leaves one explanation why the person offered me the seat, he must have thought I was pregnant! From then on I told myself I need to lose weight! This realization was long overdue. We have been hearing messages on wellness from our life coaches for the longest time and in 2009 I started getting all sorts of illness such as acid reflux, lumps, regular migraine attacks, gastric pains, bloated stomach, vocal cord nodules, name it, I seem to have it. Everything has its own time I guess, and it was in 2012 when I finally got my wakeup call and so I prepared for it. Yes I had to prepare for it, (1) because it’s quite expensive, (2) because I know it’s high intensity, I wanted to prepare my body a bit. I remember a friend of mine told me before when I signed-up for my gym, she said that money may not be an issue in paying the monthly fee, but what cannot be bought is the habit and so there, I pushed myself to build the habit of exercising 3-4x a week at home. I started doing push-ups, burpees, sit-ups, etc until I felt I was up for it!

I recall my very first workout at CrossFit, I was a bit shy coz I didn’t know anybody there and I didn’t know what to expect. The WOD that night was 21burpees, 150m run, 15burpees, 150m run and 9 burpees, 150m run. I barely finished the 21 burpees and already wanted to give up. Add to that, I’m not much of a runner. I almost always feel like having a cardiac arrest whenever I’m running. I was so touched that night with one of the trainers who looked after me because he never left my side and he kept on cheering for me. Not only did he cheer for me, but at the brink of giving up, he stood by me and did the workout together with me until I finished the WOD. So that was the community that they have been talking about. That’s what makes CrossFit different (among many other things) from gym or other fitness groups. Another one of my unforgettable CrossFit moments was when I was doing 8 rounds of 10burpees. At the 7th round I was really in tears already and the head coach was yelling at me to go on and finish strong. I was begging off and I told him that I cannot finish it anymore. He just wouldn’t listen and just keeps encouraging me to finish strong. While I was doing my last set of 10burpees what kept me moving was a scribble on the wall in front of me that says “Death before Defeat”. Every one count of burpee I was telling myself “Death before defeat”. Before I know it I completed the 8rounds, I’m glad I didn’t quit. CrossFit has pushed me to my limits. There are things I can do now that I never imagined I can do like lifting heavy weights or finishing an 15minuter breathtaking WOD. I just find myself keep coming back for more.

It’s been 10months since I joined but it doesn’t get easier, I guess because in CrossFit, you just keep on going to the next level. If you’ve been able to do an 8kg KB (kettlebell) swing, you can never be satisfied with and 8kg KB swing. Your next target will be 12kg, 16kg, 20kg and so on. It’s never easy and the pain is always there. Our coach always reminds us when our faces are getting deformed during tough workouts that Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

I vividly remember starting to sing this song “Steady my heart” in my head during a workout was when we were asked to do 6rounds of 45seconds planking. The first round was bearable, the second was a struggle not to drop, the 3rd round onwards are too impossible for me at that time and what saw me through was the song “steady my heart”. On the 3rd round I started to feel that 45 seconds seems like forever. While I was trying to keep myself from dropping, the chorus of the song suddenly popped into my head … “even when it hurts … even when its hard” … Coz it was really hurting really bad already. I started to sing it in my mind, thinking that If I finish 1 verse until 1 chorus that means the 45seconds is done. Since then, whenever we’re having a tough workout I just find myself singing this song in my head. I find it very helpful especially for 400m runs.

Singing this song gives me the extra strength I need to finish off a WOD. Just like in my workout earlier. The WOD was 12, 9, 6, 3 Thrusters (45lbs) and then 400m run at each set, capped at 15minutes. Whenever it was the time for the 400m run, my mind is almost always reaching its failure point and I was tempted to bail out and not finish the workout, but I just kept on singing this song in my head thinking that if I finish the entire song, by that time I’m also finished with the 400m run. In the last set, there was no one running with me anymore coz I was the last one left behind and I’m tempted so bad to just cut the run since nobody is seeing me anyway. But I remember one of the lines of Yushin in the Korean series Queen Seondeok when he was practicing his sword which goes something like “I have to do it all over again because even if nobody knows that I made a mistake, I know I did”. So while I was so tempted to cut the run short, I kept telling myself, I won’t be cheating anybody but myself. So I kept running and as I struggled with every step, I kept on singing this song. Finally I made it! I may have not finished the entire WOD in the allotted time of 15minutes (I finished at 6mins 30secs), but I did make it!!!

It’s a lot similar in tough real life situations. When we encounter a difficulty or when life throws so much pain at us, we tend to worry, we tend to give-up and worst is we tend to quit. We cannot run from pain, we will go through it one way or the other in our lifetime, not just once but twice, thrice … a hundred times, most likely even a thousand more. But as we get hit by life’s lashes, one hit after the other, we should be reminded always that in all these things God sees us. He may not spare us from the hurts but His hands are always ready to carry us, comfort us and heal us.

Just as in CrossFit, while going through the WOD, it sucks! you want to quit, but people are cheering you on to finish strong and when you do you are glad that you kept on going. The pain is not remembered anymore and you leave the box feeling satisfied that you made it!

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

“Steady My Heart” by Kari Jobe
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You’re here
You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)

I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What’s good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart (x2)